Cuddle Party
by So Teeny
Summary: [Roy x Ed][Slight Riza x Jean][One shot][Based on a real event] Maes comes up with the brilliant idea of having a cuddle party...


**Cuddle Party**

_by Lain Blackchurch_

_1. Pajamas stay on the whole time. _

_2. No sex _

_3. A) Kissing and nuzzling, as well as other forms of touch, are allowed, but you must ask permission and receive a verbal YES before you touch anyone._

_B) You don't have to cuddle anyone at a Cuddle Party, ever. _

_4. If you're a yes, say YES. If you're a no, say NO._

_5. If you're a maybe, say NO. _

_6. You are encouraged to change your mind from a yes to a no, no to a yes anytime you want._

_7. NO DRY HUMPING! _

_8. If you're in a relationship, communicate and set your boundaries and agreements BEFORE you go to the Cuddle Party. Don't re-negotiate those agreements/boundaries during the Cuddle Party. _

_9. Get your Cuddle Lifeguard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if there's a concern, problem, or question or should you feel unsafe or need assistance with anything during the Cuddle Party. _

_10. Crying and giggling are both welcomed and encouraged. _

_11. Please be respectful of other people's privacy when sharing with the outside world about Cuddle Parties and DO NOT GOSSIP. _

_12. Arrive on time. _

_13. Be hygienically savvy. _

_14. Keep the cuddle space tidy and pick up after yourself. _

_15. Always say thank you and practice good Cuddle Manners._

Riza stared at the sheet of paper with her mouth agape, eyes wide. Maes Hughes stood beside her, a large grin plastered upon his bespectacled face. She fumbled for her gun, yet stopped and reread the paper again. This was… a list of rules? Rules to cuddle someone… and of all the blasted words in the damned world. Cuddle! "What the hell are you thinking of, Hughes…?" she murmured, hand to her head.

"I thought that maybe we could all use a bit of relaxation, right? So you wear your pajamas, bring a pillow, and we'll see you at the mandatory session, all right, First Lieutenant?" He began to walk away, another grin, twice as big, crinkling his face into pleased folds.

Damn it…

It was mandatory…

Now… Riza was never one for cuddling. It had only happened when she was younger, where she crawled into her father's lap and he held her tightly and stroked her hair… BUT THIS!?

This was going to be hell…

She arrived at the door around one o'clock in the afternoon with a sigh. Damn it… she thought again and rubbed the back of her neck with her free hand, while the other was occupied by clasping a plain, white pillow to her hip. Riza raised her hand to knock, and did so, very softly so as to attract the least amount of attention to her arrival. "Oh well… I can just—" She began to turn around and leave when Hughes opened the door.

"RIZA! You came!" He pulled her inside violently. "So! The gang's all here then!"

"Hughes… you've gone too far…" Roy murmured, and out of habit, rubbed his two fingers against his thumb, his spark gloves having been confiscated at the beginning of the session. The Colonel still wore his black pajama pants as well as a white shirt over his chest. "Dragging me…" he continued his rant and put his hand to his head. "Shit…"

Besides Mustang, Riza could also see Edward, sitting as far away from the Colonel as he could, chin resting upon his hand, eyes looking away from him. Maria Ross and Scheska flanked him on either side, hands both in their laps.

The blonde looked up. "You got Hawkeye into this too?" he asked. "What's the world going to come to…?" Riza took a seat beside Scheska and snorted lightly.

"I was pulled in just now… shut up." Riza stated.

"How immature." Ed mocked. "Such nice words… 'Shut up.'."

"Edward… respect your elders." Hughes chided, watching Riza blush a faint shade of red at the mention of age. Damn it, she was only twenty-nine. "All right then! I'm sure you all read the rules then?" Everyone gave a weary nod. Edward at one time looked at the clock and laughed.

"Oh my, look at the time, I simply must go to the library! Can't leave my little brother there, you know."

"Fullmetal…" Roy hissed. "Sit."

"I'm not a dog!"

"Technically, you are! So sit the hell down!"

"You're just dragging me into this because whatever hell you go through, I gotta' deal with too, you cheap bastard with a damned god-complex and an ego that doesn't need to be stroked!"

"BE QUIET!" Hughes shouted, and at this, everyone grew still. "Now… pajama's stay on, no sex, permission for boundaries, etcetera, because if you didn't, you're out." It was then that Mustang struck an idea and looked around before beginning to remove his shirt. Public humiliation was the least of his worries now.

"No, Roy, that doesn't count." Hughes sighed irritably, nudging his glasses further up his nose.

"Shit…" Mustang muttered and listened helplessly.

"On the floor while I go and call the next Cuddle lifeguard!" The group of people tentatively got down on the floor, Edward affixing his knees to his chest.

"No one touches me… got it?" he acknowledged. "Or I'll alchemize you all into the freaking wall and will call you perverts and pedophiles for all of your days since I'll live longer than the lot of you…"

"Not unless you get lost in those damned corn fields in whatever the place you call home is..." Jean threw in, though no one laughed.

"That's… that's just not funny…" Fuery stated blatantly, shaking his head. "Really…"

"I believe that Edward would need a step ladded to cuddle the majority of us." Roy chuckled, settling his hand on his chin. Edward turned his head and lunged at Mustang, only to be gripped firmly to the pale chest when he threw himself to it.

"Let go, bastard!" Fullmetal squirmed violently in the crushing embrace, trying to find some way to escape.

"Well, you're that eager, aren't you, Colonel?" Jean muttered, leaning on his hands. "Let's see him keep his pants on for two minutes."

"I'm back!" Maes shouted. "And I've brought cuddle lifeguard number two!" He pointed to Denny Brosh who stood in the doorway, thoroughly embarrassed. "Now… into cuddle position on your sides." Riza moaned, as if sick.

"No… please tell me I'm dreaming…"

"Just relax… and if something comes up, don't act on it." Hughes said, holding his index finger up. Edward cocked his head a bit, suddenly understanding with his eyes wide.

"Can I leave!?" he asked, raising his hand. "I want out!"

"No. Mandatory means mandatory." Came the answer.

"And what did," Roy began. "The Fuhrer say about this?" Hughes laughed and held out a piece of paper stating the rules with a signature upon it.

"I thought you'd ask that… he signed it personally for me." He rolled the paper up and stuck it in his pocket. "So just go ahead. And if not one of you is cuddling in the next ten minutes, I'll make sure you get double the paperwork and reports."

A chorus of groans sprang through the air.

Hughes lowered his glasses down the bridge of his nose and beckoned for Denny to follow him out the door. He shut it behind him and turned around, looking through the small, unnoticed crack in the doorway.

Mustang was first to speak. "Hell… we're in deep shit…"

"For once…" Edward sighed. "I'm going to agree…" He sat up again and folded his arms over his knees, clasped to his chest, and leaned his head upon them. Abruptly, Roy looked off to the side and gave a nonchalant shift of his body.

Edward looked up and then laid his head back down again. There was another shift, yet this one, he failed to notice. Edward continued his sulking on the ground.

Light laughter filling the room.

Roy looked to his right hand as if inspecting it, and then glanced at Edward out of the corner of his eye before tensing his body and shoving Ed to the ground, who was flailing in surprise. "Damn!" cried Fullmetal and felt a light prickling sensation on his side. He quickly doubled over as fingers traced the lines of his abdomen. "Stop it…!" he breathed.

The Colonel held great sport in this and by that time, the whole room chorused with laughter, others beginning to relax a bit and start hand holding and mimicking the tickling as well. Soon enough it stopped, and Edward lay on his side, panting heavily. "And I think someone needs a hug." Roy added, wrapping his arms around Fullmetal and pressing him with less vigor to his chest.

"Nofuckingwaynofuckingwaynofuck—"

Edward ceased his speaking and hummed.

The stubborn chin rested upon a pale shoulder as the length of his body was pulled against the rigid other. Black hair brushed up against his ear, and he let out a satisfied sigh. Awkwardly, Mustang moved his lips to Edward's ear. "Can I touch you?" He moved his hand to the small lower back. "Here?"

"Um…"

"Don't start, Ed…"

Edward let out a small squeak at the intimate usage of his name. "Ah…" Edward shrugged and nodded, recieving soft fingers pressing agains the small of his back in a soothing manner. "To the left a little…"

"I'm a Colonel, not a Masseuse..."

Riza and Havoc, before, had reluctantly settled into a spooned position, which Hawkeye had found rather warm afterwards. Especially with the fact that Jean had smoothly removed her barette and carded his fingers through her hair. It was surprising that he did not scent of smoke at all...

Most likely Hughes' doing. As if he knew what she were thinking, Havoc said to her lightly. "Rule number thirteen, keep hygenically savvy."

"I see..." she mumbled. "A nice rule..."

Fuery was nestled lightly between the librarian and Lieutenant. How lucky he felt...

When Maes stepped in, he was almost sorry for the intrusion, the picture was so nice when he took it…

But the pillows flying at him were most certainly not.


End file.
